Booth Babes--The true sign of a developed nation

It comes as no surprise to me or my pet hamster that females in what some might call stripper outfits are, with possibly the exception of free pizza and/or beer, are wonderful and powerful way to sell a product, whether it's a replica Ryuken Katana from the late Hirohito period or... a video game!

"Booth babes," as they've come to be known, are merely the latest manifestation of an ancient tradition dating back many a millennium (blogspot just taught me that millenia is not a word--who knew? Anyway) to the day Ugh traded Sny to Fft for twenty Psa. Sny, an alluring young woman with the least hairy armpits this side of Qr, was so tantalizing to Fft that he was willing to give up all the food he had foraged for during the autumn harvest. Needless to say, Fft died that winter but not before having the most mind blowing love making sessions our primitive ancestors probably had ever seen. So in the end who was the winner? Fft by a longshot, as Ugh was stuck with hagged and old Rut, practically in the grave at the age of 27. He did get to live a long time thanks to the Psa, but I think we all know who the real winner of that deal was.

My point is, women sell stuff, and it's unfortunate that so many countries have yet to realize this. Look at Saudi Arabia--it's not so hot when you get the model's hands chopped off for accidentally glancing in her eyes when she's try to sell you on 1002 Arabian Nights, the sequel, and her Boshiya accidentally slips. Not to mention the embarrassment of a Boshiya slip, my God.

But China, China has totally got it and is totally if not tacitly fine with it. Not just the standard chick selling cars at international auto shows by metaphorically stroking your newly purchased manhood fine with it, but even video game fine with it. Why is there a difference? Because car drivers are mostly successful men, whereas gamers, especially in China, are scrawny or bulbous teenagers with a serious overload of hormones that have caused countless JIMP moments. So when you add booth babes to the mix, you might as well be lighting a stick of dynamite in a vat of nitro glycerin!

ChinaJoy, China's E3 equivalent, is a testament to China's commitment to opening its economic doors, with booth babes galore, many of which are truly attractive. Combined with China's growing cosplay love, these women--sorry, babes--are a sales and marketing force to be reckoned with, especially as China expands its gaming markets internationally to include the old, white, sweaty and hirsute old lonely men demographic, where it has already shown tremendous potential.

Honestly though, any country that doesn't prevent its women from using their sex appeal to sell shit, it's gotta be on the right track economically. I could blather on, but you'd probably rather just enjoy browsing the babes of booths at ChinaJoy 2009:



(Photo Credit: Frank Yu)

StarCraft II beta in China???

Pigs have just flown out of an ass somewhere. Ok, not yet... it's still just a rumor, but wouldn't that be crazy? Why China? Chinese don't play StarCraft, they play CS and WOW. Korea or the US would be more logical testing grounds, so I'm not sure I buy this.

(Thanks VG247 and Qj.net)

OnLive? Sounds more like OnDead to me hahahah

That is a pretty inane title for what could be a pretty cool system, dontcha think? OnLive, which will attempt to deliver gaming to any crappy PC or tv screen via some sort of orgasmicly quick video compression scheme and He-Man strength servers, is not something I'd have cared to mention on this blog except that:

Although OnLive's servers are for North America, the company does have international plans in mind. And in fact, Perlman pointed out that Internet Cafes across Asia use low-end PCs, making the OnLive service perfect for those venues, and certainly a great business opportunity.

Hmm... Asia? Well Korea and Japan, sure. But Internet speed can royally suck my fat schnoz in China, where connections for home use, as far as I know, top out at 8mbps, and .5mbps upload. And 8mbps is retardedly expensive, and I am going to assume only exists in major cities where still only 1% of 1% of 1% of residents bother paying for it. Would be nice if China started getting its FIOS on.

(Thanks gamedaily.com!)

Zeebo--for 3rd world gamers?

I find that offensive--why build a crap gaming system for poor people? Do you think they even have time to play games? They're busy eating dirt or something.

Whooaaaa there Bill "Atlas Shrugged" Evans, get away from the keyboard. Thank you. But Bill is right about one thing, Zeebo, created by a company of the same name, is a budget video game system that's being targeted at developing nations, what business people like to call "emerging markets". China is one of those markets, although that might be exclusive of tier 1 cities, but maybe not.

What makes the Zeebo stand out besides its Super Nintendo like power to grip one's imagination and paralyze it before it can lose its sense of disbelief is its game distribution mechanism--no cartridges, no discs, and not even online transfer in the traditional home network sense. Nay, it uses 3G technology to let people purchase and download games over the mobile phone airwaves.

Obviously the Zeebo is all about affordability, and I ain't not gonna knock that. It's a noble endeavor to bring gaming to people that want it but aren't ready to drop 2-3000 kuai on a console, and microtransactions, which it seems it may have potential for, are something Asians dig more than Westerners. so good luck Zeebo, I wish you well, and certainly weller than those knock off systems China loves to churn out every time a real console maker releases a new system.

GAPP Fears Foreign MMOGs (most likely because of our huge skeletons)

Bill Vaughn, not to sound like a bigot, but you sure are a sexy dude! Or chick! I don't care! (note: photo at right is NOT of Bill Vaughn)

Aside from that, Bill relates a story from JLM Pacific Epoch stating that China's General Administration of Press and Publication

will look at the approval criteria of online games to ensure that the gaming youth of China is not overly exposed to foreign cultures, especially in the case of highly popular games such as Blizzard's World of Warcraft.

Looks like I was at least partially right. (I haven't given up on believing it's because they fear mass demonstrations and raping and pillaging in an online world, though!)

(thanks JLM Pacific Epoch via IncGamers!)

No Skeletons in China!

China has now rejected Blizzard's second application to sell Wrath of the Lich King in China, citing "content that didn't meet requirements, including a city raid and skeleton characters"

Yes, skeleton characters. If I sit and really think about this for long enough, I bet I could figure out some really good reasons behind the skeleton fear, like if the Hu-ster had skeleton nightmares growing up during the Cultural Revolution (there were lots of skeletons back then!), but doing so would hurt my brain a lot and probably give me a stroke.

More likely China is just finding excuses for awhile to keep this foreign product out because they know how popular it is, and the government tends not to like anything that popular because it could somehow create a unified demographic that would then be difficult to manage. I understand this thinking, I know there are some crazy motherfuckers who would probably team up in WOW to try to kill virtual capitalist-roaders. So good on ya, China for stapping this potential problem balloon in the rubber skin before it explodes in a nasty yet kinky mess of shredded latex.

(thanks JLM Pacific Epoch via Massively.com via Joystiq.com)

China tops Nintendo's Rampant Piracy List

Rampant? Really, Nintendo? Are Chinese piraters looting and pillaging, slaying the men and having their way with the women? Methinks you're being a bit too dramatic, but such a concern might be a good reason for you guys to help persuade the Chinese that a legitimate console market could help conquer the hordes of evil piracy you see going on rampantly here.

Instead of complaining about it so publicly, why not try solving the problem first? Complaining is when all else fails (it's also for pussies).

(thx Kotaku!)